Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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