Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
