So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
