At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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