Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
