I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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