HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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