Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
