Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
