Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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