At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
