When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
