im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
