I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am midnight drunk by noon
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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