Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
