Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am one with the molecules
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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