got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
