why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
