yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
