Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
