I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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