those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
