Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
