why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its not stalking. its research.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
