At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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