would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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