Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
