I am puke
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
