I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
