so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
