The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
