she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
His nipple licking is glorious
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