I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
