I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
