I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
