Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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