he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
