It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
