You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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