...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
