Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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