hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
