We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
