You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
