i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
