shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
