Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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