So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
