just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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