ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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