Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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