put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
